You know you're getting old when.....

You haven't had a pimple in a quarter of a century

You're convinced more people are mumbling these days

You don't go anywhere without a toothpick

You check your hands for liver spots

You're positive you used to be taller

You think there's nothing quite like a good bowel movement

You stop for gas when there's still a quarter tank left

You've noticed that your younger siblings look middle aged

All of your children have moved out and back again

You think about specific diseases your ancestors had

You always lift with your legs and not your back

You care less about style and more about comfort

You still marvel at what computers can do

Your boss is just a kid

You know what AARP stands for

You sing along with Karen carpenter songs

You can't name a single current top 40 song

You laugh uproariously at the Three Stooges

You no longer cringe when a younger person calls you "Sir" or "Madam"

You hate rap music

Sometimes you refer to the refrigerator as the "icebox"

You can sing jingles from TV cigarette commercials

You know some of the verses to "Davy Crockett"

You had to replace the lifetime battery in your watch

You're thinking about getting a subscription to modern maturity

You know almost as many people who are dead as who are living

You read "1984" when the story was way off in the future

You know how to do the bunny hop

You look forward to bingo night

You gladly pay someone else to clean the gutters

That little apple tree you planted in the backyard is thirty feet tall

In winter, you're a firm believer in "shovel less, salt more"

You're new doctor looks like a teenager

You have a favorite antacid

You think about your arteries

You once owned a coonskin cap

You start calling your kids by their siblings' names

At least half of the famous people listed in the newspaper who share your birthday are younger than you

You realize it's too late to die young and leave a good looking corpse